Beginning the Second Journey

 

Friday, February 12, 2021

BEGINNING THE SECOND JOURNEY

On September 17, 2010, I began my Second Journey. God is moving me in new directions that I don't completely understand. Brennan Manning in his classic book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, refers to this time as the Second Chapter, Second Call, or Second Journey. So I welcome you to "The Ragamuffin Journey." If you have not done so, I encourage you to read The Ragamuffin Gospel. It will aid in our discussion. I hope we can gain some insights from one another as we take this journey. I look forward to your comments.

Here we can share some of life's "Ahas." I get a lot of ahas from reading Brennan Manning's writings, especially THE RAGAMUFFIN GOSPEL.  So please join the conversation and share something from Brennan and how you relate to it or simply reply to what others post.

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I'll start us off with this quote from Ragamuffin:

"The gospel of grace calls out, Nothing can ever separate you from the love of God made visible in Christ Jesus our Lord. You must be convinced of this, trust it, and never forget to remember. Everything else will pass away, but the love of Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Faith will become vision, hope will become possession, but the love of Jesus Christ that is stronger than death endures forever. In the end, it is the one thing you can hang onto."

I have lived long enough to know that life and relationships can be very fragile.  I have been abandoned, betrayed, lied about, just to name a few.  Some of that dysfunction came from my church experiences.  I have faced alcoholism in my family and took on the responsibility of caring for everyone (except me) because parenting was limited. That pressure led me to addiction, depression, anxiety. I'm still not fully recovered, I'm a ragamuffin. I need God's love and grace extended to me via Jesus Christ. Without His love, I would be completely lost. He truly is the One I can hang on to.

What about you? How has God's love and grace affected your life?

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Read more about the life of Brennan Manning by going to the bottom of the posts and click "Older Posts."  Then go to the April 13, 2013 post.

Father’s Day Smoothie

I love it when my wife makes smoothies...mostly. My favorite is banana but I’ll take any flavor that uses ice cream:) That doesn’t usually happen. She tends to make “healthy” smoothies, which means there is probably something green in it!

Father’s Day is like a smoothie for fathers. The ingredients may start out sweet and scary. Being a dad is wonderful, but when new dads think of the future, they wonder if they are up for the task. It turns out nobody is up to the task! You learn on the fly and sometimes a fly gets in the smoothie!

Later, bitter ingredients are added: disappointments, mess-ups, etc. Too many fathers experience divorce and separation from their kids. Some fathers, along with mothers, experience the brokenness of estrangement. Sometimes the grandchildren are kept away from them and they feel a pain in the heart that can’t be described. Sometimes, there is an addiction in the child and/or father.

There are wonderful ingredients for watching the children grow and accomplish great things. To feel the hug around the neck and hear them whisper in your ear, “I love you Daddy.”

Smoothies are made up of opposing tastes, much like an orchestra where the instruments make music of tension when tuning up, but when the music comes, oh what a beautiful sound!

Men are dealing with different flavor smoothies on Father’s Day. Many enjoy the day, while others try to avoid it, perhaps for the reasons above and a difficult relationship with their dad.

Fathers, I hope you will be kind to yourselves. Yes, the Father’s Day smoothie has some bitter ingredients, but the sweetness can outweigh the bitterness. And when it is said and done, you will be glad you partook.

I guess you can say fatherhood is like life.

A smoothie toast to all the fathers today!

© 2020 Wally Johnston

Rhetorical Questions

It seems the important questions in life are rhetorical.  You alway hear, "That's a rhetorical question."  You never hear anyone say, "That is a rhetorical answer!"  The Urban Dictionary tells us there is such a thing as a rhetorical answer:

An answer spoken to produce an effect and not necessarily to answer the actual question. A rhetorical answer may possibly be given in response to a rhetorical question, as a sort of counter-attack in a rhetorical battle.  (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rhetorical%20answer).  

Basically, a rhetorical answer is not an answer at all.  Rhetorical questions don't really have answers and quite often people aren't really expecting an answer.  There is power in simply asking.  As a chaplain I have said, "I don't have all of the answers but  I'm willing to explore the questions with you."

Here are some comments by Brennan:

The truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ...deserves to be accepted or rejected for what it is: an answer to the most fundamental questions a person may ask: Is life absurd or does it have a purpose? Jesus replies that not only do our lives have purpose but God has directly intervened in human affairs to make abundantly clear what that purpose is. What is the nature of Ultimate Reality? Jesus responds that the Really Real is generous, forgiving, saving love. In the end, will life triumph over death? With unshaken confidence Jesus answers, The kingdom of My Father cannot be overcome, even by death. In the end everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently; no loss is lasting, no defeat more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors. No evil can resist grace forever. If you reject the ragamuffin gospel and turn your back on Christianity, do so because you find the answers of Jesus incredible, blasphemous, or hopelessly hopeful.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 199-200). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I have lots of questions.  To me they are not rhetorical.  I want answers but they are the big questions that God doesn't answer, at least to my satisfaction.  He probably doesn't answer because, as a limited human, I don't have the capacity to understand.  Now I am intelligent and have an advanced degree.  So what!  What is that to God?  I think in asking the questions I am saying to God, "I know you have an answer."  Can I simply accept that and trust that things will work out okay?  I wish I could say that but I am not there right now.  "God will you help me with that?"  Now that is not a rhetorical question :)

Is Jesus Enough?

Over the past few days I have felt the fog of depression.  I have battled with this inherited brain chemistry disorder for most of my life.  That coupled with  physical ailments at times become overwhelming. Though I try to remain optimistic sometimes the Shadows come. My energy drains and I become immobilized in body and soul.

So I found this passage from the Ragamuffin Gospel:

Is Jesus enough? Is His love mediated through spouse, children, and friends enough? Must I grasp for something else? Will the incessant clanging of my addictions, wants, and desires steal my Promethean fire? Must I wander again into the far country in search of God knows what? I harbor one legitimate fear: Having been given a seat at the wedding feast, the thought of ever going back into the misery and filth—the cold and the darkness of the highways and hedges, the streets and the alleys of a self-centered life—fills me with holy dread. From the depth of my heart I pray, in the words of St. Augustine, “Lord Jesus, don’t let me lie when I say that I love you…and protect me, for today I could betray you.”

One of my recovery friends said that when I get tired and just want to lay down I need to push through. So sometimes I just say to myself, " Push through!" I get moving and once I do quite often the fog lifts.

Depression is a focus inward which makes it pretty self-centered. I don't see myself as self-centered, except with my inner thoughts and feelings.

I'm thankful for the hope and encouragement I get through Jesus and also from my recovery group and my church. Like an acquaintance of mine once wrote, "We really do need each other."

Ragamuffin Grandpa

It has been forever since I last wrote.  I'm in a reflective mood today so here it is!

Please keep in mind that one of the definitions for "ragamuffin" is a ragged person.  That can mean physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I am a ragamuffin.  Don't smile, so are you!

This ragamuffin is a first time grandfather.  My son has said, "When it comes to parenting, I don't know anything."  Well, I can say the same about being a grandpa.  Who am I to have such a beautiful granddaughter?

A ragamuffin is someone who is a recipient of grace.  Grace is God's undeserving gift to me.  That is Lucia - an undeserving gift.

My life is a gift.  Sometimes, as I look back through the eyes of a boy who grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home, my life felt anything but a gift!  There were even times I wanted to end the grief, stop the pain, and jump ship (code language for suicide).  But now having lived through it all, I can say I am in the best space I've ever experienced.  I've never had much by way of finances.  My dad was a steelworker and made a living with a good retirement.  The only financial inheritance I received from his estate was $100 due to the betrayal of a family member who took the rest.  I thought about framing the check but it would have been too painful and besides, I needed the money. I'm glad the day came when I could let go of the resentment.  Resentment would only hurt me more than the original betrayal. If you want to become wealthy, don't go into ministry. The payoff is spiritual wealth.

I now, like most ragamuffins, live a life of recovery.  I'm so grateful to God for the 12 steps and daily surrender.  My group is the most accepting people, regardless, or should I say, because of my weaknesses.  They can accept me because they are ragamuffins as well.  I am just one beggar showing other beggars to food and water.

I am grateful for my wife, three boys, two daughters-in-love, and my granddaughter.  I may be a ragamuffin, but I certainly am a wealthy one!

(Please send your feedback and and insights.)

Secret Thoughts That Lead to Life

Have you ever had a secret thought that became part of daily life?  Please don't think me morbid, but nearly everyday I think about my death.  Just keep reading, it get's more interesting.

I was getting a little concerned about this secret thought.  Now it hasn't affected my daily life but I have to ask, "Does this sound normal?" When it comes down to it, our culture doesn't handle the subject very well.  Most people don't like to think of their mortality.  I worked as a law enforcement chaplain for 26 years.  I watched people as they faced the death of a loved one.  I saw this hundreds of times. They would turn to me to talk about their mortality and loss.  

I was relieved to have Brennan Manning me put this into perspective. 

In his book, Abba Father, Manning quotes Saint Benedict: "...keep your own death before your eyes each day." Brennen reminds us,"It is not a counsel to morbidity but a challenge to faith and fortitude. Manning continues, "I waffle back and forth between fear and anticipation of death.  I am most afraid of death when I am most afraid of life" (p. 146). I guess that's true for me.  When life is on the upswing and I'm feeling good about my relationship to others and God, I do not fear death..I'm ready for it.  But when life's valleys come and I'm confused about my relationships, then death scares me to death!

Death gives life perspective.  I noticed when I worked a Ground Zero that the petty things of life didn't matter.  It has been said, "When you die you won't say, 'I wish I had spent more time at the office.'" When I got back home I was hypersensitive to the pettiness of life around me and just wanted to shout, "THOSE THINGS DON'T REALLY MATTER." Even if I did shout it out I would look like a weird street corner preacher.  

I'm convinced that life cannot be lived fully without understanding its relationship to death.  Does that sound morbid?  It shouldn't,  

I would love to hear your thought on this subject.

Facing the Pain

As a young boy I observed a group of my friends huddled around something in the neighbor's yard.  I believe it was summer because I was wearing shorts and cowboy boots without socks.  Just as I approached the group it parted, like the Red Sea.  What I didn't realize was they were around a brick grill burning plastic army men.  One of them took a large hunk of molten plastic and flicked it in the air.  Thus, the crowd spread to miss the stuff but I didn't know what they were doing.  I never saw it coming.  The hot mass flew into my boot.  The pain was intense.  I hopped and screamed and tried to kick the boot off.  I eventually became successful, not only removing the boot but the skin and flesh from my foot!  I ran from the scene, screaming, tears running down my face.

I have known other pain in my life, more intense then that event.  Instead of burning pain, I faced incredible emotional pain and trauma.  Most of my life I've been running from that pain.  Today I had a thought or a scene on the projection screen of my mind, that I was running away from that pain.  I remember feeling all alone in my pain while running.  Then I realized there was another person that was coming into my peripheral vision.  It was Jesus.  As we ran he said, "I know you are in pain, but unless you face the pain, you will never stop running."

"I'm scared," I told him.

"I know," he replied.  "You don't have to do it alone.  I'll be by your side."

He then convinced me to hold his hand as we turned around!

We are now on the journey together walking back into the pain.  Some days are better than others.  There are those days when I just want to medicate the pain through the escape of addiction but I know I'm making progress.

Brennan Manning speaks of this pain in the following quote:

He knew that suffering was necessary. What He was confident of was vindication. Our hope, our acceptance of the invitation to the banquet (the wedding banquet in Matthew 22), is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 169-170). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.