Facing the Pain

As a young boy I observed a group of my friends huddled around something in the neighbor's yard.  I believe it was summer because I was wearing shorts and cowboy boots without socks.  Just as I approached the group it parted, like the Red Sea.  What I didn't realize was they were around a brick grill burning plastic army men.  One of them took a large hunk of molten plastic and flicked it in the air.  Thus, the crowd spread to miss the stuff but I didn't know what they were doing.  I never saw it coming.  The hot mass flew into my boot.  The pain was intense.  I hopped and screamed and tried to kick the boot off.  I eventually became successful, not only removing the boot but the skin and flesh from my foot!  I ran from the scene, screaming, tears running down my face.

I have known other pain in my life, more intense then that event.  Instead of burning pain, I faced incredible emotional pain and trauma.  Most of my life I've been running from that pain.  Today I had a thought or a scene on the projection screen of my mind, that I was running away from that pain.  I remember feeling all alone in my pain while running.  Then I realized there was another person that was coming into my peripheral vision.  It was Jesus.  As we ran he said, "I know you are in pain, but unless you face the pain, you will never stop running."

"I'm scared," I told him.

"I know," he replied.  "You don't have to do it alone.  I'll be by your side."

He then convinced me to hold his hand as we turned around!

We are now on the journey together walking back into the pain.  Some days are better than others.  There are those days when I just want to medicate the pain through the escape of addiction but I know I'm making progress.

Brennan Manning speaks of this pain in the following quote:

He knew that suffering was necessary. What He was confident of was vindication. Our hope, our acceptance of the invitation to the banquet (the wedding banquet in Matthew 22), is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 169-170). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.