Over the past few days I have felt the fog of depression. I have battled with this inherited brain chemistry disorder for most of my life. That coupled with physical ailments at times become overwhelming. Though I try to remain optimistic sometimes the Shadows come. My energy drains and I become immobilized in body and soul.
So I found this passage from the Ragamuffin Gospel:
Is Jesus enough? Is His love mediated through spouse, children, and friends enough? Must I grasp for something else? Will the incessant clanging of my addictions, wants, and desires steal my Promethean fire? Must I wander again into the far country in search of God knows what? I harbor one legitimate fear: Having been given a seat at the wedding feast, the thought of ever going back into the misery and filth—the cold and the darkness of the highways and hedges, the streets and the alleys of a self-centered life—fills me with holy dread. From the depth of my heart I pray, in the words of St. Augustine, “Lord Jesus, don’t let me lie when I say that I love you…and protect me, for today I could betray you.”
One of my recovery friends said that when I get tired and just want to lay down I need to push through. So sometimes I just say to myself, " Push through!" I get moving and once I do quite often the fog lifts.
Depression is a focus inward which makes it pretty self-centered. I don't see myself as self-centered, except with my inner thoughts and feelings.
I'm thankful for the hope and encouragement I get through Jesus and also from my recovery group and my church. Like an acquaintance of mine once wrote, "We really do need each other."
I'm thankful for the hope and encouragement I get through Jesus and also from my recovery group and my church. Like an acquaintance of mine once wrote, "We really do need each other."
