Beginning the Second Journey

 

Friday, February 12, 2021

BEGINNING THE SECOND JOURNEY

On September 17, 2010, I began my Second Journey. God is moving me in new directions that I don't completely understand. Brennan Manning in his classic book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, refers to this time as the Second Chapter, Second Call, or Second Journey. So I welcome you to "The Ragamuffin Journey." If you have not done so, I encourage you to read The Ragamuffin Gospel. It will aid in our discussion. I hope we can gain some insights from one another as we take this journey. I look forward to your comments.

Here we can share some of life's "Ahas." I get a lot of ahas from reading Brennan Manning's writings, especially THE RAGAMUFFIN GOSPEL.  So please join the conversation and share something from Brennan and how you relate to it or simply reply to what others post.

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I'll start us off with this quote from Ragamuffin:

"The gospel of grace calls out, Nothing can ever separate you from the love of God made visible in Christ Jesus our Lord. You must be convinced of this, trust it, and never forget to remember. Everything else will pass away, but the love of Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Faith will become vision, hope will become possession, but the love of Jesus Christ that is stronger than death endures forever. In the end, it is the one thing you can hang onto."

I have lived long enough to know that life and relationships can be very fragile.  I have been abandoned, betrayed, lied about, just to name a few.  Some of that dysfunction came from my church experiences.  I have faced alcoholism in my family and took on the responsibility of caring for everyone (except me) because parenting was limited. That pressure led me to addiction, depression, anxiety. I'm still not fully recovered, I'm a ragamuffin. I need God's love and grace extended to me via Jesus Christ. Without His love, I would be completely lost. He truly is the One I can hang on to.

What about you? How has God's love and grace affected your life?

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Read more about the life of Brennan Manning by going to the bottom of the posts and click "Older Posts."  Then go to the April 13, 2013 post.

Father’s Day Smoothie

I love it when my wife makes smoothies...mostly. My favorite is banana but I’ll take any flavor that uses ice cream:) That doesn’t usually happen. She tends to make “healthy” smoothies, which means there is probably something green in it!

Father’s Day is like a smoothie for fathers. The ingredients may start out sweet and scary. Being a dad is wonderful, but when new dads think of the future, they wonder if they are up for the task. It turns out nobody is up to the task! You learn on the fly and sometimes a fly gets in the smoothie!

Later, bitter ingredients are added: disappointments, mess-ups, etc. Too many fathers experience divorce and separation from their kids. Some fathers, along with mothers, experience the brokenness of estrangement. Sometimes the grandchildren are kept away from them and they feel a pain in the heart that can’t be described. Sometimes, there is an addiction in the child and/or father.

There are wonderful ingredients for watching the children grow and accomplish great things. To feel the hug around the neck and hear them whisper in your ear, “I love you Daddy.”

Smoothies are made up of opposing tastes, much like an orchestra where the instruments make music of tension when tuning up, but when the music comes, oh what a beautiful sound!

Men are dealing with different flavor smoothies on Father’s Day. Many enjoy the day, while others try to avoid it, perhaps for the reasons above and a difficult relationship with their dad.

Fathers, I hope you will be kind to yourselves. Yes, the Father’s Day smoothie has some bitter ingredients, but the sweetness can outweigh the bitterness. And when it is said and done, you will be glad you partook.

I guess you can say fatherhood is like life.

A smoothie toast to all the fathers today!

© 2020 Wally Johnston

Rhetorical Questions

It seems the important questions in life are rhetorical.  You alway hear, "That's a rhetorical question."  You never hear anyone say, "That is a rhetorical answer!"  The Urban Dictionary tells us there is such a thing as a rhetorical answer:

An answer spoken to produce an effect and not necessarily to answer the actual question. A rhetorical answer may possibly be given in response to a rhetorical question, as a sort of counter-attack in a rhetorical battle.  (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rhetorical%20answer).  

Basically, a rhetorical answer is not an answer at all.  Rhetorical questions don't really have answers and quite often people aren't really expecting an answer.  There is power in simply asking.  As a chaplain I have said, "I don't have all of the answers but  I'm willing to explore the questions with you."

Here are some comments by Brennan:

The truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ...deserves to be accepted or rejected for what it is: an answer to the most fundamental questions a person may ask: Is life absurd or does it have a purpose? Jesus replies that not only do our lives have purpose but God has directly intervened in human affairs to make abundantly clear what that purpose is. What is the nature of Ultimate Reality? Jesus responds that the Really Real is generous, forgiving, saving love. In the end, will life triumph over death? With unshaken confidence Jesus answers, The kingdom of My Father cannot be overcome, even by death. In the end everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently; no loss is lasting, no defeat more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors. No evil can resist grace forever. If you reject the ragamuffin gospel and turn your back on Christianity, do so because you find the answers of Jesus incredible, blasphemous, or hopelessly hopeful.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 199-200). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I have lots of questions.  To me they are not rhetorical.  I want answers but they are the big questions that God doesn't answer, at least to my satisfaction.  He probably doesn't answer because, as a limited human, I don't have the capacity to understand.  Now I am intelligent and have an advanced degree.  So what!  What is that to God?  I think in asking the questions I am saying to God, "I know you have an answer."  Can I simply accept that and trust that things will work out okay?  I wish I could say that but I am not there right now.  "God will you help me with that?"  Now that is not a rhetorical question :)

Is Jesus Enough?

Over the past few days I have felt the fog of depression.  I have battled with this inherited brain chemistry disorder for most of my life.  That coupled with  physical ailments at times become overwhelming. Though I try to remain optimistic sometimes the Shadows come. My energy drains and I become immobilized in body and soul.

So I found this passage from the Ragamuffin Gospel:

Is Jesus enough? Is His love mediated through spouse, children, and friends enough? Must I grasp for something else? Will the incessant clanging of my addictions, wants, and desires steal my Promethean fire? Must I wander again into the far country in search of God knows what? I harbor one legitimate fear: Having been given a seat at the wedding feast, the thought of ever going back into the misery and filth—the cold and the darkness of the highways and hedges, the streets and the alleys of a self-centered life—fills me with holy dread. From the depth of my heart I pray, in the words of St. Augustine, “Lord Jesus, don’t let me lie when I say that I love you…and protect me, for today I could betray you.”

One of my recovery friends said that when I get tired and just want to lay down I need to push through. So sometimes I just say to myself, " Push through!" I get moving and once I do quite often the fog lifts.

Depression is a focus inward which makes it pretty self-centered. I don't see myself as self-centered, except with my inner thoughts and feelings.

I'm thankful for the hope and encouragement I get through Jesus and also from my recovery group and my church. Like an acquaintance of mine once wrote, "We really do need each other."

Ragamuffin Grandpa

It has been forever since I last wrote.  I'm in a reflective mood today so here it is!

Please keep in mind that one of the definitions for "ragamuffin" is a ragged person.  That can mean physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I am a ragamuffin.  Don't smile, so are you!

This ragamuffin is a first time grandfather.  My son has said, "When it comes to parenting, I don't know anything."  Well, I can say the same about being a grandpa.  Who am I to have such a beautiful granddaughter?

A ragamuffin is someone who is a recipient of grace.  Grace is God's undeserving gift to me.  That is Lucia - an undeserving gift.

My life is a gift.  Sometimes, as I look back through the eyes of a boy who grew up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home, my life felt anything but a gift!  There were even times I wanted to end the grief, stop the pain, and jump ship (code language for suicide).  But now having lived through it all, I can say I am in the best space I've ever experienced.  I've never had much by way of finances.  My dad was a steelworker and made a living with a good retirement.  The only financial inheritance I received from his estate was $100 due to the betrayal of a family member who took the rest.  I thought about framing the check but it would have been too painful and besides, I needed the money. I'm glad the day came when I could let go of the resentment.  Resentment would only hurt me more than the original betrayal. If you want to become wealthy, don't go into ministry. The payoff is spiritual wealth.

I now, like most ragamuffins, live a life of recovery.  I'm so grateful to God for the 12 steps and daily surrender.  My group is the most accepting people, regardless, or should I say, because of my weaknesses.  They can accept me because they are ragamuffins as well.  I am just one beggar showing other beggars to food and water.

I am grateful for my wife, three boys, two daughters-in-love, and my granddaughter.  I may be a ragamuffin, but I certainly am a wealthy one!

(Please send your feedback and and insights.)

Secret Thoughts That Lead to Life

Have you ever had a secret thought that became part of daily life?  Please don't think me morbid, but nearly everyday I think about my death.  Just keep reading, it get's more interesting.

I was getting a little concerned about this secret thought.  Now it hasn't affected my daily life but I have to ask, "Does this sound normal?" When it comes down to it, our culture doesn't handle the subject very well.  Most people don't like to think of their mortality.  I worked as a law enforcement chaplain for 26 years.  I watched people as they faced the death of a loved one.  I saw this hundreds of times. They would turn to me to talk about their mortality and loss.  

I was relieved to have Brennan Manning me put this into perspective. 

In his book, Abba Father, Manning quotes Saint Benedict: "...keep your own death before your eyes each day." Brennen reminds us,"It is not a counsel to morbidity but a challenge to faith and fortitude. Manning continues, "I waffle back and forth between fear and anticipation of death.  I am most afraid of death when I am most afraid of life" (p. 146). I guess that's true for me.  When life is on the upswing and I'm feeling good about my relationship to others and God, I do not fear death..I'm ready for it.  But when life's valleys come and I'm confused about my relationships, then death scares me to death!

Death gives life perspective.  I noticed when I worked a Ground Zero that the petty things of life didn't matter.  It has been said, "When you die you won't say, 'I wish I had spent more time at the office.'" When I got back home I was hypersensitive to the pettiness of life around me and just wanted to shout, "THOSE THINGS DON'T REALLY MATTER." Even if I did shout it out I would look like a weird street corner preacher.  

I'm convinced that life cannot be lived fully without understanding its relationship to death.  Does that sound morbid?  It shouldn't,  

I would love to hear your thought on this subject.

Facing the Pain

As a young boy I observed a group of my friends huddled around something in the neighbor's yard.  I believe it was summer because I was wearing shorts and cowboy boots without socks.  Just as I approached the group it parted, like the Red Sea.  What I didn't realize was they were around a brick grill burning plastic army men.  One of them took a large hunk of molten plastic and flicked it in the air.  Thus, the crowd spread to miss the stuff but I didn't know what they were doing.  I never saw it coming.  The hot mass flew into my boot.  The pain was intense.  I hopped and screamed and tried to kick the boot off.  I eventually became successful, not only removing the boot but the skin and flesh from my foot!  I ran from the scene, screaming, tears running down my face.

I have known other pain in my life, more intense then that event.  Instead of burning pain, I faced incredible emotional pain and trauma.  Most of my life I've been running from that pain.  Today I had a thought or a scene on the projection screen of my mind, that I was running away from that pain.  I remember feeling all alone in my pain while running.  Then I realized there was another person that was coming into my peripheral vision.  It was Jesus.  As we ran he said, "I know you are in pain, but unless you face the pain, you will never stop running."

"I'm scared," I told him.

"I know," he replied.  "You don't have to do it alone.  I'll be by your side."

He then convinced me to hold his hand as we turned around!

We are now on the journey together walking back into the pain.  Some days are better than others.  There are those days when I just want to medicate the pain through the escape of addiction but I know I'm making progress.

Brennan Manning speaks of this pain in the following quote:

He knew that suffering was necessary. What He was confident of was vindication. Our hope, our acceptance of the invitation to the banquet (the wedding banquet in Matthew 22), is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering. Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 169-170). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I'm 60 years old.  It has it's advantages and its disadvantages.  I had breakfast out today and I got a senior discount.  The disadvantage is they didn't card me so I must look over 60!

By this stage in my life I should have life figured out.  More importantly I should have God figured out but he just won't sit still long enough for that to happen.  Even if he did stay still my senior brain wouldn't know what to do!

This is not a whine session (and I don't mean the kind you drink).  Here comes the "but."  But I've had so much life garbage dumped on me and often wondered, "What is the Big Guy doing?  Where is He?"  God just hasn't performed the way I expected and desired.  The only thing I can expect is that He ends up surprising me, some good but I tend to only see the bad.

I'm no surprise to God.  He know I mess up at times and even want to fire him!  The great thing is that he doesn't walk away when I hand him garbage.  He patiently waits for me to come around again and offer his grace.

I read this from "Ragamuffin" the other day:

This is the victorious limp often lived by this writer. At different times on the journey I have tried to fill the emptiness that frequently comes with God’s presence through a variety of substitutes—writing, preaching, traveling, television, movies, ice cream, shallow relationships, sports, music, daydreaming, alcohol, etc. As Annie Dillard says, “There is always an enormous temptation to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for itsy-bitsy years on end.” Along the way I opted for slavery and lost the desire for freedom. I loved my captivity and imprisoned myself in the desire for things I hated. I hardened my heart against true love. I abandoned prayer and took flight from the simple sacredness of my life. On some given day when grace overtook me and I returned to prayer, I half-expected Jesus to ask, “Who dat?” None of my failures in faithfulness have proved terminal. Again and again radical grace has gripped me in the depths of my being, brought me to accept ownership of my infidelities, and led me back to the fifth step of the AA program: “Acknowledge to God, another human being, and myself the exact nature of my wrongdoing.”

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 186-187). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Thank you Jesus!

Raggamuffin Bible

FYI...the new Raggamuffin Bible will be released next month.

Check it out:  http://www.amazon.com/NIV-Ragamuffin-Bible-Meditations-Brokenhearted/dp/0310405238/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1382125939&sr=8-2&keywords=ragamuffin+bible

So what I read today isn't from Brennan Manning's writings, but it certainly qualifies!

In our addiction, we felt there must be an answer, a single answer to all our problems. A magic formula, perhaps, that would cure us instantly and set us free. How we wanted someone to come and give us that formula! But if there were a single answer, then life would be the same for everyone. And how boring that would be.

From Hazelden Meditations

I'm grateful that God is allowing me to go on the journey rather than waving a magic wand to make it all better.  It's better because He has daily lessons for me to learn and I don't want to miss out on my education!

What You Should Know About "Should"

I listened to a message by Brennan Manning tonight on Youtube: "Healing Our Image of God and Ourselves."  I highly recommend it.  He spoke of someone who said, "Don't should on yourself!"  I'm guilty of that.  My whole life I've been shoulding on myself.  Manning said that a person who keeps saying "I should do better, I should know better" etc. is a person who doesn't have a very good image of themselves.  The shouldness could be related to our image of God.  The God of "doing" and not the God of "being."  God didn't make us so we can feel guilty.  He made us so we can experience His total acceptance of ourselves with our weaknesses through His unconditional love.  God loves me right where I am, not where I should be because I will never be where or what I should be.  I am a work in progress and thankfully He posts a sign about me that says, "Work in Progress."  Thankfully He does leave the construction site; He stays with me until the job is done (which basically means He will never leave me).

Manning also said: "Healing the image of God heals the image of myself."  If we have a God who is constantly demanding that we always do things right and slaps our hands when we mess us, then we will treat ourselves in the same way.  If my image of God is healed, then my self-image can be transformed into His image.

Manning shared about the total lack of love and affection from his mother.  She saw herself through her image of God.  The most difficult and damaging relationship of my life was with my father.  After my mother died he said to me, "I don't ever want to mess with you again!"  Those were the last words I heard him speak.  He had separated himself from us,with the help of another family member.  I have since forgiven him but those words will ring in my ears all the days of my life, "I don't ever want to mess with you again!"

I will never hear from my Heavenly Father those words of rejection.  As a matter of fact, He has said He will never leave and His love is unconditional.

I am just a Ragamuffin created in the image of God.  I don't know why He bothers with me but I am so glad He does.  He is healing me back to accept myself, even with my shortcomings.  And He will heal you if you seek him half as much as He seeks you.

Early Morning Grace

It was 4:45 one recent morning when I awoke.  No, I didn't have my alarm set, unless you call a nosebleed an alarm!  I decided to make the best of it so I grabbed The Message New Testament.  The page marker was placed in Romans 5 so I started reading.  Here is what I read:

20-21 All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't  and doesn't  have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that’s the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end.

When I read that aloud to my wife she smiled and said, "Brennan Manning."

I said, "Nope...the Bible."

But it does sound like something Manning would write.  Actually he did:

Over the years, the growing consciousness of radical grace has wrought profound changes in my self-awareness. Justification by grace through faith means that I know myself accepted by God as I am. When my head is enlightened and my heart is pierced by this truth, I can accept myself as I am. Genuine self-acceptance is not derived from the power of positive thinking, mind games, or pop psychology. It is an act of faith in the God of grace.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 48-49). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

It has and continues to take the aggressive forgiveness and radical grace of God to help me work through my dysfunction (dare I say sin?).  It tells me that God is not about to give up on me even when I want to give up on myself.  I'm so glad He is hanging in there!

Ragamuffin Birthday

On this day in 1967 I came to faith in Jesus Christ.  By years I'm down the road quite a bit, but at times I feel I'm not as far down the road personally, whether in spirit or in recovery.  I'm my worst critic.  As we say in recovery, "My insides never match the outsides I see in others."  Others seem to have it together but so often I feel I don't.  That's why I am a Ragamuffin.  I don't have it completely together and seem a little dis-shuttled at times.

Yesterday was one of those "dis-shuttled" days and it has bled into today.  I need to keep in mind what I need to celebrate rather than what I would like to forget.

All of this reminds me of a quote from the Ragamuffin Gospel:



When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (p. 25). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

"Lord, help me to be honest when I want to play games.  Remind me that I am your "artwork" like Beethoven's unfinished symphony.  Help me to remain patient while you continue to work.  Amen.

Ragamuffin, Brennan Manning, Has Died

Brennan Manning died on April 12, 2013.  I am so glad he left us with his writings that will continue to encourage all Ragamuffins to experience the fullness of the God of Grace.  His work, "The Ragamuffin Gospel" came to me at a transition point in my life.  It was and is the message I needed to hear.  I was becoming aware of another call, a second call, in my life.  God was sending me in a different direction and Brennan was helping to show the way.

Listen to what he wrote on page 157:


Second journeys usually end quietly with a new wisdom and a coming to a true sense of self that releases great power. The wisdom is that of an adult who has regained equilibrium, stabilized, and found fresh purpose and new dreams. It is a wisdom that gives some things up, lets some things die, and accepts human limitations. It is a wisdom that realizes: I cannot expect anyone to understand me fully. It is wisdom that admits the inevitability of old age and death. It is a wisdom that has faced the pain caused by parents, spouse, family, friends, colleagues, business associates, and has truly forgiven them and acknowledged with unexpected compassion that these people are neither angels nor devils, but only human.

Manning, Brennan (2008-08-19). The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out (pp. 164-165). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. 

Thank you Brennan, for your transparency in sharing your life, with all of its struggles and blessings, that lead you to the wonderful grace of our Heavenly Father.

(Read more about Brennan's passing at: http://brennanmanning.com/.  You can also go to his Facebook page  and leave a comment: https://www.facebook.com/brennanmanningfans?fref=ts).

THE MISSING PIECE —by Mark

This is kind of a test post. First, my thanks to my friend Wally for including me and for being one of several people who independently recommended "The Ragamuffin Gospel" to me within a 24 hour period. God clearly knew what it took to get my attention.

I've finished "The Ragamuffin Gospel" and have started "Abba's Child". I have to say that Manning's perspective looks like the "missing piece" of my relationship with my heavenly Daddy. Of course now the hard part is making the "Aha!" moment into reality in my life, in my soul, in my relationship with God and others. I've spent so long trying to "earn" acceptance by God and my community, trying to hide my true brokenness, trying to pull myself up by my own bootstraps - it is hard to let that way of life go and simply relax into my Daddy's arms.

Over the last several weeks God has drawn me back from the edge of a private abyss with a phrase that Manning mentions but actually came to me from a different direction - another of the convergence of God's speaking to me. I was reminded of Paul's repeated to be relieved of his "thorn in the flesh" until (if I may take liberties with the phraseology) God finally had to tell him, "Paul, shut up about it already!" Of course God's words were much more gracious, "Paul," [and this is the part that I have to keep hearing God say to me] "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness."

Between that and Manning's "Abba - I am yours" God has gotten me through to the place where the real work can begin. I don't know what that looks like. I am very aware that I can't do it. I'm barely willing to let God do it. But as someone once observed, "All we can do is to be willing to be made willing..." OK, that I can wrap my mind around. I'm a little bit willing and God can work with that.

Mark

Rambling Ragamuffin Remarks

I often wish I could extend as much grace to me as God does.  I suppose if I had that much grace I would be God...and the whole world would be in trouble!

Sometimes I get tired of being a ragamuffin, which is another way of saying, "I'm tired of the dysfunction."  I just want everything to make sense.  I'm glad that God's grace is there.  It is a gift.  All I have to do is unwrap it and give him a big "Thank You!"

I know this post will not win a Pulitzer Prize.  The reward is to be able to express myself and know, if you are reading this, there is at least one other human being that thinks what I have to say has value.  What I say to that is, "Thank you."  Now, let me read your Pulitzer pontifications :)

Another Ragamuffin

I spoke with a friend today...another ragamuffin find!  we shared a lot about our struggles and the wonderful "furious love" and grace of God.  I'll be making another post from the book soon.  Please join us in the conversation.

Short Memory Ragamuffins

I heard, read, or dreamed about the memory of those little guppy fish.  Their brains are kind of small and they can only remember as far back as a few minutes.  So each time a predator heads toward them they think, "Oh look.  A new friend!" they say enthusiastically as they are being eliminated.

As a Ragamuffin, my memory gets short at times.  I let the waters of life distract me from the many blessings, graces, and mercies God provides me.  If I'm not careful I can get in places of danger without realizing it.

Can my fellow Ragamuffins relate to this?  Please share your insights and I will try to remember what you said! :)

Complacency In Ourselves

Page 58 of Ragamuffin:

"The danger with our good works, spiritual investments, and all the rest of it is that we can construct a picture of ourselves in which we situate our self-worth.  Complacency in ourselves then replaces sheer delight in God's unconditional love.  Our doing becomes the very undoing of the ragamuffin gospel."


As much as I try to not be a "human doing" there are times it sneaks in.  Things are starting to get busy in my new  ministry endeavor.  I was so busy yesterday, on my birthday, that I didn't have time to celebrate.  I'm involved in a lot of good stuff but I must remember that my real delight is to be found in God's unconditional love for a ragamuffin.  And ragamuffins can't earn that, they can only accept it and live their lives conscious of the fact that their good works didn't get them to that supreme delight.

And now my fellow ragamuffins, let's hear your response to this quote or my attempt at eloquence!

Fallen Angel Ragmuffin

Since this past New Year's Eve I have been struggling with an injured knee that became staph infected.  I was hastily sent to the hospital for surgery that would need to be followed up with an IV pump for six weeks and numerous physical therapy sessions.  Since I was so focused on my pain and recovery it seemed my other human frailties vanished.  But as my health improved, the old battles returned and I would have to say I have been somewhat disappointed with myself, much like a smoker who quit smoking due to a long hospital stay but later returns to his old habit.

At the bottom of page 31 of THE RAGAMUFFIN GOSPEL, Brennan says:

     "Often I've been asked, 'Brennan, how is it possible that you became an alcoholic after you got saved?'  It is possible because I got battered and bruised by loneliness and failure, because I got discouraged, uncertain, guilt ridden, and took my eyes off of Jesus.  Because the Christ-encounter did not transfigure me into an angel. Because justification by grace through faith means I have been set in right relationship with God, not made the equivalent of a patient etherized on a table."

I guess that makes me a fallen angel ragamuffin.  No, just a plain old every day garden variety ragamuffin.